Monthly Archives: May 2006

Music Is My First Love – After Footie & Rugby

Today has been full of endless excitement. The sun has been smiling down on us and Christmas under is 7 months away.

What has got me wondering today is the death of contempary music as we know it. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised as “Rock & Roll”, to use its 70’s expression of love, was based on the music of youth. Now its polarised into the music of Middle Age and pre-pubesent teenager girlies.

Remember the cry of The Who’s My Generation – I hope I die/Before I get old?? Now, even with 2 members dead, they are still touring. The Rolling Stones are on their “millionth” World Tour and Elton John is still managing to produce rubbish and selling it.

The thing is that they probably spent most of their money on sex, drugs and booze (in Elton’s case clothes & specs) – the rest they wasted. Therefore they have to keep touring and re-releasing their Greatest Hits every other year in order to fund their retirements – or tax bills.

Then came punk. The dawn of a new age. The old order was swept away and the youth reclaimed music’s lost soul. Now they’re reforming and touring to fund their retirements.

All this is of course under threat by the EU who are insisting that performers are not entitled to royalties on recordings after 50 years of release. Therefore the likes of Cliff are currently under threat and people like The Beatles will soon follow. They, or their record companies, will no longer be able to prevent anyone from releasing compilations of their music without them earning a cent.

For people who right their own songs this will not be a problem but people who’ve made a living singing other peoples will be in deep do-do.

Personally I think that they should be treated in order of their crapness – if they were a rubbish act then they get nothing. I offer myself as the judge of all things musically worthless. I’m an independent voice with no ties to the music industry and offer my services free of charge.

Watch out Westlife, and other manufactured twaddle, I’m after you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

How can you tell that summer is here?

Its easy really….

You start you journey with the roof down and as you go further north the cloud gets thicker. Eventually you have to pull over as it has begun to rain. Just as you drive 5 miles further on the sun comes out again. Of course, by this stage you can’t lower the roof because it’s wet and would begin to rot if put down in this condition to often.

Now the sun is out again, just as I’m ready to go home.

Here is a joke passed on by a friend:

A minister and his wife are on a holiday in Israel, visiting the major biblical sites. Unfortunately the wife falls ill and after a few days dies.

The minister is advised by the embassy that he has a choice. He could bury her in Israel for £150 or send her back home for £2000. He gives this some serious thought. Then replies: “I think I’ll take her home for burial.”

The embassy rep says: “Are you sure? It’s only £150 to bury her here and she would be buried in the Holy Land. Or is it a family concern that she’s buried at home?”

The minister replies: “The thing is that, 2000 years ago a man was buried here. 3 days later He rose from the dead. I just don’t want to take that chance!”

Friends and Shattered Glass

We spent yesterday evening with Best Man and his family at a local hostelry. There was a Real Ale and Cider Festival going on. There is some really good stuff here from local brewers throughout South Wales, the Forest of Dean and Bristol. I can highly recommend Trafalgar and Old Freddie Walker, if you come across them. Be warned they are 6% and 7.2% respectively and Freddie has a rich fruity flavour but are excellent ales.

Best Man has managed to find some sub-editing work for a local free mag that they can let him do once a month. The good thing is that he can do this from home or anywhere else that has internet access. With this and his Belgian freelance work it helps to keep him going.

He seemed a lot better thanb previously but still down. His dad, however, was far more like his old self and kept us regaled with stories and assorted facts.

I must get FW to watch more films and read more politics as she probably felt left out on a few occasions. Its always hard when you are getting to know other people’s friends, especially if you’ve known them for most of your life.

This morning we were awaoken at 05:30hrs. I know, I’d forgotten that there’s a 05:30 in the morning too. There was much shouting as someone was trying to find someone else in the flats. Then we heard the sound of breaking glass and FW had to call The Plod.

Thankfully things quietened down very quickly and The Plod were very quick to respond. We know that someone was carted off but we don’t know who.

OW!!!! That Hurts.

Spent most of last night and today nursing a very stiff, and sore, neck and shoulder. Must have been lying in a wrong position during my afternoon nap yesterday. I knew that taking FW out for lunch was a bad move.

We did manage to see Mission Impossible III. I must say that I didn’t find it to be anywhere near as good as MI:I and on a par with MI:2. I think I slightly annoyed FW as I guessed the bad guy to early.

Today has been spent mainly sitting/lying around doing nothing. FW has gone to help with Youth and I’m hoping to conserve my strength so we can see Sad Sister, Best Man and his sister tonight.

How To Discourage Cold Callers II

In a recent entry First Wife gave a hint on how to discourage sales people who call at the house. Today I thought I’d let you know how to fend off telephone callers.

Lying in bed with First Wife, having just woken up, the phone rang, interrupting our morning ritual of discussing who gets up to make the tea. I reach around the pile of teetering books and picked up the phone. I answered:

“Hello! Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends!”

I’m greeted by silence. A pause. And then they hang up.

I did the 1471, caller ID, to get “The caller withheld their number.

Of course, in the interests of copyright, originality etc I recommend that you use your own version of the above.

Till next time readers….

Threats & Stuff

First of all a message to a certain balding person from Swansea:

I knows where you lives I does….. (that comment best read with a Welsh accent!!) Further comments such as that left on First Wife’s wiblog will be dealt with in a very unchristian type way. Here’s hoping that that Scouse Git gets eaten by a Paraguayan Spider Monkey, called Ernesto, during England’s first game on the road to further humiliation next month.

In other news….

First Wife finally managed to make it home last night, following her unannounced tour of the South Wales Main Line. She really enjoyed her voyage of discovery and hope’s to repeat it at some stage in the future.

Today has consisted of work, work and a little more work. Now I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend at home. So far we have very few plans other than:

1. Seeing Mission Impossible III tomorrow night.
2. Babysitting the nephews for 30 minutes tomorrow night, while brother in law collects Sad Sister from the station after her training day in London.
3. Church Sunday morning.
4. Youth Sunday afternoon
5. Seeing friends at a local Cider Festival on Sunday night.
6. Building a wardrobe. Potentially building a chest of drawers.

Finally it’ll be back to work on Tuesday. Sounds very relaxing.

For those in the UK, I recommend the new Pot Noodle ad. Terrible product but a great ad.

Drive She Said

First of all an important announcement:

Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum Dum DUMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

I recommend that everybody reads Dith’s next post. You will hear a wonder story of Dith’s Daftness that will bring tears to your eyes and joy to your heart – as it did me upon hearing it while driving at 90 m.p.h. – with a hands free kit mind.

One of he pleasures of driving a convertible is the pleasure of driving with the top down on sunny days. There is nothing like the feeling of the sun’s heat on your head and arms, the wind blowing through your hair – or what little I have left. Such a day was today…. except for:

1. It was sunny at the start of my journey, with clear skies;
2. Then the sun went behind some clouds;
3. Then it came out again;
4. The closer I got to home the colder it became;
5. At one point I had the heater blowing warm air as the windchill became more uncomfortable;
6. Then I stopped for petrol and put my jacket on;
7. Then I turned the heater off;
8. Then I turned the heater back on as the sun went away and the windchill driving at 90 m.p.h. hit me;
9. Then I turned the heater off and took my jacket off again.

The moral of the story is: Always remember that the weather in the UK is usually not a constant thing, especially when driving across the country.

When Do People Start Growing Beards

This has appeared as a search request from Google on several occasions in the past few months. Evidently someone needs to know the answer so I thought I’d oblige.

People start growing beards from the onset of puberty. Usually this is restricted to men but some women are also prone to this occurence – this can be caused by a hormonal imbalance or as a side effect from medicine they are taking.

Usually the hair growth begins when you are least expecting it and leads to cries of “Hairy face, hairy face!” or “Help!!!! Its a Werewolf…..” It can also begin during your first date with your first real girlfriend/boyfriend/sheep. They will, of course, tell all their friends what a freak you are, and you probably won’t date again until you are in your 40’s or 50’s. This has happened – I speak from experience.

Some people only grow facial hair on a monthly basis in line with the effects of the moon. Others need to shave twice, or more, everyday and some, who really are freaks, never grow any at all – see Leonardo de Caprio, Tom Cruise and Michael Jackson.

In severe cases you end up looking like a Wookie or Chewbacca. These are of course very rare and unusual occurences but you need to be warned.

There are also occasions when you have to be very careful. Doing that thing your parents tell you not to, may not lead to hairy palms but could do. If it does, do not – I repeat – DO NOT wipe your hands on your face; this will only cause the affliction to spread.

I hope that this has helped you and aided in dispersing some myths and fables you may have heard.

Films and Religion

The good thing about holidays is that I can spend time catching up on my favourite method of relaxation – reading. As such I managed to finish 3 books during our week away – about 3 times my normal throughput in a normal week.

I managed to get a certain mix of reading in managing 2 film books and a history book. The trouble is that I’ve now started another film book. I forgot how much went on in Hollywood in the late 60’s and through the 70’s. Having already managed to get through The Kid Stays in The Picture by Robert Evans and Adventures in The Screen Trade by William Goldman, I’m now onto Easy Riders, Raging Bulls by Peter Biskind.

Whereas the first 2 are written by insiders (a producer & a screen writer) this is more of an overview containing interviews with many actors, directors and other insiders. You learn some very interesting things about people from these books.

Yet what interests me the most is the way in which eveything changed during that decade. However it now appears to have gone back to the way things used to be. The ’70s saw a brief period of individualism. New things were done and allowed to be done. Chances were taken. Sure some things went wrong but the industry went from strength to strength.

Now we’re back to the old days where imagination has been replaced by formula. Most new ideas are held off in favour of repeated formulas and a desire to make a killing in profits. You saw a film like Batman, so they make more films like Batman. You saw The Matrix, so they make more like it. Play safe and make money but wonder why people choose to stay away.

This reminds me that the only real changes that ever take place are on a personal level. No matter how advanced the human race becomes they just find new ways of doing old things. The only real, lasting change comes from the action of accepting Jesus. Nothing else performs such a miraculous and lasting change. All other things are just reinventions of the status quo.

Good To Be Back

Just a quick post to say that we’re back. A little rain sodden by slightly reinvigorated by a week away. How can we be tired after a week of doing almost nothing? Please tell us, ‘cos we don’t know!

Have managed to visit both families this weekend and I’ve seen a great deal of progress in the English Dragon. However failed tro wake ourselves in time for church today. Actually that should read – managed to wake-up but I suggested that FW roll over and we’d go back to sleep.

Also had some news from Best Man. It appears that his depression has got worse and he’s feeling extremely low. I’ll have to talk to him and see what I can do. What I really want to say is that there is a way to relieve your problems but it requires a faith that he’s never had. When I see, and hear him, I just want to tell him that there is help there for him. Not from me, or a doctor, but from someone who can offer eternal healing. It won’t happen overnight but can offer the solution to the emptiness that lies at the heart of his life.

Well, time for bed!