Recently I have been finding that I have a few disconnections in my life.
I am, unsurprisingly, no longer happy at work. I have the feeling that I no longer belong here. Motivating myself every day is becoming harder and harder. The work just seems to get more and more, the time to deal with it less and less and the enjoyment fading extremely quickly.
What makes things worse is that I am beginning to feel that I no longer want to do the job for much longer. There is no longer any fulfilment in it for me. I don’t have a clear idea as to what else I want to do though.
In my Christian life I’m feeling a sense of emptiness as well. Yesterday I realised that I haven’t been to chapel since the Sunday before Christmas. Ok, so last week I was due to preach away and let FW doo the sermon, after I led the rest.
Yesterday I was tired after going to Liverpool on Saturday for the football, it was a long day. Yet FW and I talked and I realised that I no longer felt rewarded by the chapel experience. I like the people in our chapel but feel less and less connected. There is something missing from the entire experience.
As I lay in the bath I thought that my chapel life is no longer rewarding because it lacks leadership and real involvement, other than a Sunday morning. With the exception of the Monday night prayer for youth outreach, there is nothing else for me to take part in.
I have also begun to feel that God wants me to do soemthing different. That he has a plan for me that involves more than just being a member of the congregation. Exactly what He has planned I don’t know but I finally feel ready to hand things over and let Him lead me forward.
All I know is that I want things to change and just changing a job or chapel wouldn’t be anything other than a temporary sticking plaster to hide the problem.
I am indeed a man!
Not just a man but a MAN!!!!!!
I do think differently from women; I also think differently from many men (those who are not MEN!!!!!!).
I care about many things in life but only important things. I leave the little things alone, as they are not worth spending my time on. If little things grow into BIG THINGS then this becomes more important to me but I have noticed that many BIG THINGS also turn into little things again.
Money comes in and money goes out. In the long term these things either balance themselves out…..
or you die.
Health is soemthing that you have little control over. You can’t stop yourself becoming ill or your leg falling off or your bowel turning into a fossilised mammoth. These things also balance themselves out…..
or you die.
Families fall out and make up. Kids grow old and either become ******* scrotes or well adjusted members of society – this is down to luck rather than worry. They balance themselves out….
or you die.
Do you see the process??
Why worry? It only brings on death in a far quicker way. Better to think about things you can have an effect or, solve or choose to ignore. Other things will resolves themselves…..
or you DIE!!!!!!!
Reading other people’s blogs recently has made me realise what an easy life I have. I tend not to fret about things and go through life with a feeling of calmness, with occasional bouts of aggressive annoyance.
I have never had a general goal for my life but seem to meander through without too much trouble. I don’t look back with regret at the things I’ve done or the decisions I’ve made. After all I am where I am through the choices I’ve made, or not made.
I had no ambition to get married or have kids. I understand why these things are important to most other people but never really concerned me. The nearest I ever got was when I decided, at 39, that maybe it would be nice to find someone I could settle down with; the rest is history…
When I read posts where people open their hearts due to a failure to achieve certain goals I think how lucky I am, and have been. I can’t say its all been easy or trouble free. I’ve made a few mistakes, some more serious than others but I am happy with where I am.
Where am I going? I don’t know, don’t really care and will leave that to God and FW!!!! I would like some things to be different but they are minor things compared to what life can offer.
I would like to be able to do something that contributes more. Yet work takes up a lot of energy, especially as it is busier and busier but no additional time to do things.
I’m just going to put my faith in God opening doors when He is ready.