Recently I have been finding that I have a few disconnections in my life.
I am, unsurprisingly, no longer happy at work. I have the feeling that I no longer belong here. Motivating myself every day is becoming harder and harder. The work just seems to get more and more, the time to deal with it less and less and the enjoyment fading extremely quickly.
What makes things worse is that I am beginning to feel that I no longer want to do the job for much longer. There is no longer any fulfilment in it for me. I don’t have a clear idea as to what else I want to do though.
In my Christian life I’m feeling a sense of emptiness as well. Yesterday I realised that I haven’t been to chapel since the Sunday before Christmas. Ok, so last week I was due to preach away and let FW doo the sermon, after I led the rest.
Yesterday I was tired after going to Liverpool on Saturday for the football, it was a long day. Yet FW and I talked and I realised that I no longer felt rewarded by the chapel experience. I like the people in our chapel but feel less and less connected. There is something missing from the entire experience.
As I lay in the bath I thought that my chapel life is no longer rewarding because it lacks leadership and real involvement, other than a Sunday morning. With the exception of the Monday night prayer for youth outreach, there is nothing else for me to take part in.
I have also begun to feel that God wants me to do soemthing different. That he has a plan for me that involves more than just being a member of the congregation. Exactly what He has planned I don’t know but I finally feel ready to hand things over and let Him lead me forward.
All I know is that I want things to change and just changing a job or chapel wouldn’t be anything other than a temporary sticking plaster to hide the problem.