Category Archives: Fun

Things To Do Before You Are 39 (Again)

My delightful wife has posted an openly gratuitous request for brithday messages, following her recent chnage in numerical addition. I would like to point out that this will be her last birthday – her words – and she will now remain her current age forever.

She has also stated compiling a list of things to do before she is 39 (again). Here are a few suggestions:

1. Cook you husband’s tea every night – including nights when he would “cook”.
2. Earn enough money so that he can retire early
3. Visit your friends more – I could do with some peace and quiet
4. Remember to get your husband Meg, Nicole, Michelle or Emma for Christmas.
5. Visit all those nice people in Scotland just don’t warn them we’re coming 🙂
6. Demolish Swansea.
7. Find a way of creating a heating system for the stand at Pontypool Park ready for the coming winter. It was fair nobbling the other week.
8. Buy T&E’s sister a real sheep(s) but don’t tell her husband
9. Invent a mute button for the Troublesome Trucks.
10. Enjoy life!!!!

Remember that it’s your husband’s birthday in 37 days time!!!!

Internet Saves Time My A***

Yesterday was FW’s almost 40th birthday. I am not allowed to say her true age, as it is locked in a safe within an enigma within a souffle within a vault in a nuclear missile shelter somewhere in South Dakota.

Being the loving, thoughtful husband I am I had worked out what she wanted and had set about arranging things. then I hit problems.

1. Our home broadband has broken. It was working before we went away but is now dead.
2. My work interweb allows access to certain sites but only at specific times in the day.
3. It allowed to buy the present but not access my webmail to download it. Sister’s printer is kaput and my mother’s does not have Adobe Reader. When I tried to download this it failed to connect with the download section of the site.
4. Thankfully I had already bought a card and some flowers from a new fangled thing called a SHOP!!!
5. So I am still unable to access the main part of her present and the second part will not arrive until next week.

Thankfully I have an understanding wife who knows that these things sometimes happen to nice people 🙂

A Follow Up

Saturday Mrs T&E had gone to Swansea for a friend’s birthday. So I went to the rugby with my dad and youngest nephew. Then I had tea at my sister’s before wending my way home.

I spent the evening catching up with recorded TV and Match of The Day before deciding that I really should go to bed. On the bed were Che and Lima, making sure that I only had a small area to fit into. So I pulled back the duvet and climbed in.

I felt something under the cover against my foot. Looking down I saw a dead field mouse. In Mrs T&E had been there then there may well have a cry of “Mouse in the bed! Mouse in the bed!” Instead I removed said mouse and went to sleep.

At “Oh my God it’s early” o’clock I was woken by the catflap closing and Che jumping on the bed and making happy sounds. I rolled over and went to sleep.

Upon waking I sat up to re-read my last Robert Crais book, The First Rule, and began reading. Over the top of the book I could see something lying on the bed.

It was small and brown and looked remarkably like another mouse. Indeed it was another mouse. 2 mice in one night and without Mrs T&E to remove the bodies….

Big Leeks

I have been watching the news recently regarding the oil leek that is terrorising the Gulf coast of America.

We know how to deal with leeks in Wales. I recommend making a giant leek and potato soup.

Welcome Belladonna

This is proof that I am a true petrolhead…..

This is our new addition to the family. We’ve actually had her for 3 months but she is a real Alfa and, as such, has spent most of it in the garage being repaired and returned to proper mechanical condition. She returns to us next week.

I have had to compromise on my “green” designs as she is the 2.5ltr petrol version but, as I car share on my commute using our other car 4 days a week, I think that I can justify the purchase.

So we are preparing for our Big World Tour 2010. First Leeds to visit Caring For Life; then Aber to visit a friend; then Swanage with the Troublesome Trucks and then we aim to visit Cambridge, to reclaim my wedding ring. Unfortunately it only covers the UK and we have had to forego our planned trip to France.

Other venue suggestions would be welcome 🙂

New Beginnings

Last night FW and I went to see the new Robin Hood film and were suitably impressed. The only, slight, downside was Mr Crowe’s widely travelled accent – it seemed to move from the East Midlands to Ireland on occasion. Having said that it is a great improvement on Mr Costner’s awful attempt at “Hollywoodising” the story.

It was odd to have Will Scarlet played by a red headed Welshman. However you coould see the influence of former Hoods, including the story starting with Robin at Richard’s final siege, as per Robin & Marion.

However it was a “prequel” and there is the hope that Ridley & Russell will follow it up with possibly 2 more, if this one does well enough at the box office.

I also remembered why I dislike the cinema – people. The ones who insist on talking, even in whispers, or getting up and down to use the loo/answer their (silent) mobiles. This has always irritated me, no surprise there then!!

However I do realise how much better a film is on the big screen. So I now resolve to attend the cinema at least once a month from now on – if the quality films are there, or the odd trash one.

I think that Four Lions should be next.

A Press Release From the Supreme Leader (Ex)

(With apologies to Private Eye)

Comrades,

I have decided that our work to renew, and put the “Great” back into, Britain has been completed. I was humbled at the way in which the electorate took me to its heart by overwhelmingly rejecting me as Supreme Leader. At least I managed to get three years in power before allowing the British electorate to rubber stamp my appointment.

Therefore I felt that this was the right time to handover the position to someone younger, and far less capable than I, to lead the country towards utter devistation and penury. It is therefore with great happiness that I handover the country, in a much worse state than I received it, and look forward to seeing the Cameron-Letwin-Orsbornist claque, with their new poodle Clegg the lick spittle, fail miserablly.

To those of you who failed to support me during the recent plebiscite I leave you with these thoughts….

You’ll be sorry, you ungrateful, untrusting turncoats. In the words of General Douglas MacArthur Park (who left his cake out in the rain) “I will not return”, no matter how much you beg. I was your last, best hope of steering the country back to the future and healing the wounds that I had created.

I have to thank so many people for everything that I achieved without their help. To former Comrade Bliar, who kept me out of office for so long and then left me with the mess that I had created. To my friends at Goldman Sachs, and others in the City, who did so much to bring about the financial collapse by allowing me to not regulate them properly.

To former Comrades Clark, Hewitt and Hoon who stabbed me in the back, front and sides. To Comrade Mandelbrott who helped us to achieve so much in our election campaign and allowed me to completely ruin everything by meeting that awful woman in Rochdale and encouraging me to take part in my highly successful appearances on the Leaders debate, where I won every debate by agreeing with Nick.

So I leave you to fend without my guiding hand, manipulating your lives. I leave you with the thought that I did more than anyother leader to bring government into the centre of your lives. Without my paranoia you would not have so many CCTV cameras, stop and search powers, intrusion and control over your lives.

You have now got what you deserve.

A word from Comrade Mandelbrott…. You’ll suffer for this. He may have been a useless, bullying, arrogant, incompetent, loose lipped idiot but he was the best puppet that I was able to control at this time. Remember that I know where all you traitors live!!!! I will be back to control the new Party Leader and will have my revenge.

How do you know it’s New Year?

I know because we have decided on holidays. I usually do this in January and then find that it’s December and I’ve not gone anywhere. This year we have decided that we are absolutely, positively, definitely going away this year. After all we think we deserve it.

So we are looking forward to a week or so in France in May and, hopefully, a week in North Cornwall in September.

All we need to do now is make sure that it actually happens.

Christmas Advert

This was in todays Private Eye & I loved it so much I had to share it:

From The Evening Chronicle (Newcastle upon Tyne):

Neutering & vaccination clinics. Annual vacccination out of date? Have your gods & cats vaccinated up to date at half price till Xmas.

 

I had a day off today. I ended up doing as much work as I would on a work day. I hope Friday’s quieter as I have a sermon to write. Plus we’re visiting on Sunday Pucklechurch afternoon and I’m preaching that evening.